{"id":891,"date":"2020-05-24T05:44:57","date_gmt":"2020-05-24T05:44:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/whiledragonssleep.com\/?p=891"},"modified":"2020-05-24T05:44:58","modified_gmt":"2020-05-24T05:44:58","slug":"very-late-night-covid-19-joke","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/?p=891","title":{"rendered":"Very Late Night COVID-19 joke"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>his is an original spin on a very old joke.  I made it up myself, and you are required to laugh.  The ending will surprise you, especially if you know the old joke.<br><br>A man walks into a grocery store, during these Corona Virus times, with a dog closely following: <br>The grocery store manager immediately heads his way:<br>Manager:You can&#8217;t have a dog in here unless he&#8217;s your seeing-eye dog. You&#8217;re not blind.<br>Man: Sir, I am in an awful bind.  We&#8217;re out of toilet paper in my house, and I&#8217;ve got to get some.<br>Manager: We have only a few packages and they are reserved for the elderly. And you still can&#8217;t have that dog in here.<br>Man: OK listen, this is a talking dog. <br>Manager: Yeah?<br>Man: Oh yeah. If I can prove it, could I get one of those reserved packages of toilet paper?<br>Manager stares at him for a few moments. Then his good humor suprisingly gets the better of him. He waves his arm: Well, this I gotta see. Sure, let&#8217;s see your talking dog, and you better not be yanking my chain.<br>The man, suddenly energized, turns to his dog, who sits, expectant and alert: OK Max, what does sandpaper feel like?<br>Max: Ruff!!<br>Man: What&#8217;s that thing on the top of a house?<br>Max: Roof!<br>Manager, his humor evaporated, grabs the man by the arm and shouts: OK pal, we&#8217;re done here.<br>Man: Wait, wait, please I beg you, one more chance! Max, who&#8217;s the all-time home run leader?<br>Max pauses, cocks his head, seemingly indecisive. Even the manager freezes in strange anticipation. Suddenly Max blurts out:  Ruth!!!<br><br>The near-magical moment broken, the angry grocery store manager hustles the man out the door and hurls him out onto the sidewalk with his dog.<br><br>The man gets up, dusts himself off slowly, glaring at Max. <br>Max, quizzically: What? I did good in there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><br>Man: HANK AARON. YOU MORON. HANK AARON.<br><br>[note: in the Unum house we do not count the Roid King. Leave it alone]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>his is an original spin on a very old joke. I made it up myself, and you are required to laugh. The ending will surprise you, especially if you know the old joke. A man walks into a grocery store, during these Corona Virus times, with a dog closely following: The grocery store manager immediately [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-container-style":"default","site-container-layout":"default","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-transparent-header":"default","prose-style":"enable","disable-article-header":"default","disable-site-header":"default","disable-site-footer":"default","disable-content-area-spacing":"default","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=891"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":894,"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/891\/revisions\/894"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/patriotbone.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}